So I was listening to Family Life Radio the other day during the intentional living radio program with Dr. Randy Carlson. A caller called in and she mentioned how she has learned that love isn't sex.
Let me explain, the topic for the day was for single people to call in and talk about what they're learning as a single person in the church. With that being said, I related to what she talked about because she further explained how she used to think that having sex was the way she loved her sexual partner or partners. Anyways, to keep it short, I relate to her experience as a former single person looking for love in ungodly ways. But her thoughts have left me thinking...
Yes, I have had to learn how to love Hector and our marriage relationship is so much more about loving him in others including our physical intimacy. Often I've thought about the concept of our love languages and Hector and I are different in how we receive love. His love language, the way he feels loved are with acts of service. For Hector he loves a clean house which includes a lot of different tasks...need I mention them?... Clean floor, laundry put away, dinner made, clean kitchen, towels hanging after shower etc. For me, I love words of affirmation. I love when Hector tells me I do a good job, I'm pretty, I love you. I love when he listens to me or agrees with me in the ways I do stuff. I love when he says please and thank you and just overall edifying.
Here's the catch, Hector never heard words of affirmation in his childhood home and I didn't grow up in a home where having everything spotless was a daily activity. So I have had a hard time loving Hector in the ways he receives love and I understand why it's hard for my husband to encourage me. But I'm learning how enjoyable married life is when I love Hector by keeping a clean house or trying my best to do something for him. And I'm learning how to encourage him to encourage me in the ways that I need.
But please let me tell you, I've finally arrived at a place in my heart where I know know know that God is my only hope for my marriage. I've exhausted myself speaking my own words and sharing my own opinions just to not be heard or if heard, disagreed with. I hate this feeling and the loneliness that comes as a result of leaning on my own understanding. I'm learning just how faithful God when I ask Him for help but more importantly, His help has come, as a result of complete surrender to Him. God is so good that I've realized that my marriage will be a testimony about Him and not about how we keep it together. We can do nothing without Him and He holds all things together. I cannot hold my marriage together if I choose to live in active rebellion towards Him. Only He working in me and through me will draw my husband to me and keep us in unity as one.
It's amazing to me how when I spend time with the Lord it is His Spirit that draws my husband near. I think upon that verse in the Bible that says we are of one Spirit, one Lord, One Father who is in all and for all....and He so is of one Spirit and He is for us; for me, for you, for my marriage for yours... he is so good.
I'm just so thankful that Jesus saved me and that He created love to be so fulfilling and so much more than the physical act of sex. He gave it all for love, He laid down His life because of His love and He loves us just because.
With my whole heart,
Erin Beth
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